Someday We Probably Will

I woke up this morning after another night on Beale Street and I feel like a new person. I would have to say that although Beale Street was a let-down last night I still feel as if I accomplished something good for myself. Before I go into the life changes that are taking place, I need to lay down the particulars of a night of unsuccessful sarging.

Massentropy and myself went to Beale Street to work on our sarging skills. If you are reading this and are unsure what sarging is than please read previous posts on PUA skills. Anyway, Beale Street is usually target rich with pretty young females, but last night, especially for a Friday, it was pretty dead. There just wasn’t a lot of people there.

Now, with that said, I can look back and realize the sets that were there could have been opened, but my own inner-game issues prevented me from opening. In actuality there where lots and lots of sets to be opened, but it wasn’t approach anxiety that got the best of me. I have come to the conclusion that my weight has prevented me from picking up women.

In actuality some might say, looks are only a part of the game and to that I would say you are correct. To me, however, my epiphany comes from realizing that my inner game has surfaced an internal issue that must be resolved. Although the game is played in the field, the most valuable tool we have as players in this game are confidence. Confidence is brought forth as a deeper level of inner game security and to me it is a damaged sub-conscience issue of knowing that I am fat and need to change this personal image of myself.

The good news, at least for me, is recognizing where this self defeating doubt bubbles up from dark recesses of the soul pushing forward as a defeatist personality defect that in itself is able to be fixed. I hold this image of myself from years of failures in life. These failures are an integral part of life and must be used as the steps to climb forth either as a pit of lost years of life that bind me down to repeat the same mistakes and fall to pity, OR, as a stepping stone to lift myself up and push forward and build upon the failures as a cornerstone. To say this is where I come from and I have made it here from mistakes and now I stand upon the highest ground looking forward to the horizon of endless possibilities before me.

For years I was rejected by the very women I adored. I tried to supplicate them with gifts and used the nice-guy persona to build trust and confidence, but my trust and confidence, was built upon deceit and thus doomed to ultimate failure. It was doomed because I attempted to use friendships as the cornerstone to build comfort for an ultimate attempt to gather the required comfort needed to get her to want to be with me.

I think in all of our lives we are put into the friend zone and although our friendships with anyone should be cherished as friendships, somewhere, as a guy, we say to ourselves this is cool, it’s OK, and yet in our sub-conscience, we are building the friendship in deceitful fashion to obtain the ultimate goal of getting the girl.

So the many, times I was put into the friendship zone because I lacked the knowledge of the “super-power,” as PFC calls it, I built this wall of denial around my inner being, which in turn manifested itself into layers upon layers of fat. I would tell myself their had to be a problem with who I was as a person so in essence my mind manifested my lack of self worth and built it into a reality by becoming the person I thought I needed to be to compensate why the women I was attracted to weren’t attracted to me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t have the Super-Power, for that I know I always had. It simply wasn’t strong enough to break forth from those chains that held it blindly in a dark recess of my inner self. All I needed was the JUICE to fill my Super Power tanks so that the true JunkyFungus could spring forth and take the world over and save it from the AFC’s that walk blindly where I have been before.