When I was initially approached by my current job to work for them it was something I didn’t think I wanted to do. I had searched for a job for a while and had finally accepted a position at Terminex (a Service Master company) here in Memphis. The base salary wasn’t really what I had come to expect, but they always try and sell you on the dream. With trendy slogans of “unlimited earning potential,” “opportunity to advance,” “people company.” All NLP keywords integrated into the sales pitch designed to get your internal dream machine into high gear.

I have worked in marketing for over 15 years now and every company does it, so you would think you would become used to it. I distinctly remember telling myself that it’s only a job, so whatever happens, happens. By the third interview I was impressed (or hypnotized) into believing the dream. I remember telling my mom and dad that this was the one. I was finally going to get back on track. This was the avenue and it was going to take me all the way to high society.

It never quite works out that way does it? The day I went in to sign my employment agreement I noticed my salary had been increased by a thousand dollars. WOW, maybe I had found a caring company. The honesty always prevails and I let the HR lady know. Nope, there was no mistake!

My first day at the job I was instructed to be there at 7 a.m. I waited at the front door and the security guard told me that I wasn’t on the list and couldn’t get in until 9 a.m. Waiting always puts a damper on my mood, especially when I live an hour away and that meant I was up at 4:45 a.m. For someone who likes to stay up at night and write, that’s a terrible inconvenience. The position with Terminex only snowballed from there.

By the end of the day, I already dreaded the next days work and the straw that broke the camels back was when HR called me in to tell me they made a horrible mistake. Of course the thousand dollar raise was a mistake and I needed to sign the papers forfeiting the offer or the lady who made the mistake would be FIRED! It always amuses me when people use heart strings to try and garner support for their cause even when the outcome is against myself. I believe those tactics to be underhanded and I made my decision there that I would look for another job.

I had been doing some consulting work, more as a favor, for my current job and they had asked me to work for them repeatedly. I had some reservations about the workloads and knew if I took it they too would be selling a dream for the big payoff down the road. The only difference was that I believed in them and knew the payoff would eventually come if I was to stick with them. I have a tremendous loyalty to people I believe in and trust.

I consider my boss more a friend than anything else first and foremost. When I told her about my experience she was like “That’s it your working for me.” I know it sounds silly but I did fight it. I knew the hours would be long, the work overwhelming, the dream close, but always one step beyond my reach. I’m certain that one day the company, successful already, will meet its goals and the dream will be fulfilled. I called Terminex and resigned my position the next day.

My days working started as exciting and I felt as if I was apart of something. I knew the road lead to the dreams and aspirations of what I had been told. This was going to be the vehicle that took me on my journey and I knew my hard-work, loyalty, dedication would be recognized. I was asked to go to seminars and am living a whirlwind life. I travel the country, speak with incredible people, masters of their realms, and yet that lingering doubt still waits in the corner, hanging on every thought, every breath as if it is waiting for the opportunity to reek havoc upon my life.

I start to wonder if I am appreciated and if the countless hours I put in every day are going unnoticed. My boss adds more tasks every day and I know that they are integral, but I feel stagnated by my own performance. I am bored. I was hired on because we are about to move in a new and exciting direction with our products and yet I am stuck doing client services everyday. I know how important it can be, and I am continuously reminded how valued I am.

Look at the big picture and where we want to be. In order for that to happen you have to get this done. More and more work is added and yet my day already consists of 14 to 15 hours. Sometimes so many more. I am questioned on what I did during the day, what is my work flow? All important, but the very act of working out a work flow is also over burdening when I am already overworked on the minutia. I know there will be rewards in the future for my efforts, but what about rewards now? I am going to be asking for a raise effective immediately.

I keep hearing about how we hired this guy, and bought into this program. Then there’s such and such who has done this and will do this for us. That’s funny, all these guys will be doing this for us, but I am already doing it. Dreams are always a nice thing, but too many times I have worked for the dream and no money. I have practically given up my social life to work this awesome job that I love and I do absolutely love my job, but my bills don’t!

I’m sitting at BuckyStars, I come here nightly to unwind and for a change of pace. I always bring my MacBook Pro and you guessed it right, working on those things I couldn’t get done during the day. Tonight I treated myself and decided I deserved a “sugary delight.” I bought myself a caramel frapacino with an oatmeal raisin cookie. I tell myself that every once in a while I deserve a treat for my hard work. I stick to my diet and do crunches practically every day.

I sat on a couch, opened the laptop prepared to work the three hours I had before they closed. Thursdays are never busy in there, because most people go out and party on Thursdays. I used to too, but there’s so much to get done. I leaned back on the couch, and brought the straw to my mouth. The first wave of sugary delight ran past my lips, over my tongue. Embracing my taste buds with delightful happiness and bliss. Ahh yes, this was indeed heaven.

I gulped my first sip down and went for two and something happened to rip me from my heavenly state. A tiny chunk of ice, an intruder, an interloper had invaded the tiny opening on the bottom of my straw and blocked the flow of liquid divinity from taking me away to exquisite glory. That special moment would be ruined between us and all because a tiny chunk of ice that had blocked the stream.

I picked up the straw and in a sawing motion I moved it up and down in my drink. It made that distinct er, er, er, er sound as the plastic green straw moved through the punched out hole in the clear plastic lid. I took another sip expecting my moment to be recaptured and life to once again return to the brilliance of nutritionally unhealthy, but oh so good happiness. What’s this? The damn ice still blocked my straw, thus blocking the very happiness of my soul.

Something at this moment occurred to me that would have a profound lasting effect on my life from that moment forward. With a little ingenuity and contemplation all I had to do was blow back into the straw, dislodging the ice and I would once again be able to resume the course I was on.

It was here though that the question came to be pondered. Exactly what course was I on? Had I really been sticking to my diet and was I doing crunches every night? The answer to both these questions, although could have been yes, was really no. Sure I haven’t eaten carbs, or as many carbs as I used to. I do about 60 crunches almost every day. Is it enough? Am I being true to myself?

I really sat and thought about it a good while and although the answer could just as easily been yes, the truth really had to be a resounding NO! I could think of countless ways I could not only cut out more carbohydrates, but there was so much else I could be doing. I should be walking everyday, like I already committed to myself to do. I should be doing the Yoga exercise that Andrea taught me in California. She went out of her way to guide me and yet somehow I strayed away again.

That tiny chunk of ice is a reflection of what life is. There is so much sensory overload with what we come to associate with “heavenly bliss” already in our straws. We feed ourselves through the straw with sodas, sweet teas, ice cream shakes, sugar enhanced fruit juices, pure sugar crap and then there’s that tiny piece of ice that blocks everything off. We work so diligently to clear that blockage out, trying everything just so we can get back on our junk, our drug of choice. We saw it up and down, er, er, er, er, shake the cup, tap it and rock it, and finally blow a little back through the straw just so we can start the flow back again.

So as I sat there contemplating my serious addiction to fat, disease, diabetes, gout, death (isn’t that what we seek when we are addicted to sugars and poor nutrition?) I asked myself just how hard would it be to blow back down on the ice that blocks us from our dreams, our goals, our true desires? Why is it so easy to work so hard to do something as terrible for you as a food addiction and yet we are so quick to make excuses to not exercise.