Creating an Identity around a pair of Old Rocker Boots.

Its always been amazing to me to watch my friends grow and develop as people throughout the years. I’ve had some friends who have identified with the music thing, and it dictates how they act and the very clothes they wear. Some of my friends have become computer geeks and its evident in their geeky style of clothing. Khaki pants, a polo style shirt with a logo of some software company embroidered on the front that barely covers their pudgy spare tire.

Typically the American media circus determine our stereotypes, now more than ever. Reality shows, far from any type of reality I have ever experienced, portray our lives and how we are supposed to live them. Radio and MTV plays the songs they tell us are popular, all the while the national news channels have gone 24 hours. Is Natalie Holloway really so important that even after a year we still are beleaguered with monthly updates, while Elliot Spitzer’s whore is making millions on bad music? Popularity has run amok.

We are preached to from every angle of how we are supposed to walk, what to eat, drink, when to shit, cry, sleep. TV is a mad commercial filled with advertisements for the “Wonder Cure” for every conceivable ailment ever known to man, some ailments that have not even been named yet. We are bombarded with infomercials for “Hip Hop Abs,” “LA Weight Loss,” wonder pharmaceuticals! Diets for this, creams for that, these jeans will make you a super model. Buy, buy buy, call 1-800… Identities are fast becoming not who we are, but more so who they want you to be.

I turned forty last September, and by every account I should be going through an identity crisis. It is my right and it has been bestowed upon me by the moguls of media and social hypes. I should have two kids off in college, a house and car payment, my wife and I are both overweight, but we have a health plan and are looking forward to retirement. We sit in front of TV and watch Fox News at night and cry for our troops and damn President Bush. We go to church on Sundays and live our dream, the American dream.

But that’s not me. I’m forty years old and I don’t fit into that mold, or any other that could describe me. Well maybe I am a bit overweight! I look back upon my life and I really don’t recall ever maturing, or having this epiphany where I came to grips with maturity. I’ve never had a desire to hold down a job or work a career. I have enough college credits for two degrees, yet no degree hangs on my wall. I’ve studied journalism, computer science, history, English, philosophy, psychology and a few others all as majors. I’ve written for magazines and newspapers, owned companies, served as a grunt in the US Army, but even today as I write this I have no direction, no desire to grow up to be something. Even as a child I had no goals to grow up to be a fireman, or for that matter anything else.

So when we don’t have aspirations or fit into the corporate mold or the ones standardized by television marketing where do we fit in and how do we create our identity? A student of life I seek out knowledge to help me in understanding myself and bettering my interactions with others. About three years ago I stumbled onto the “seduction community” and although I’ve made it this far without a personal avatar I realized it was an essential part of being according to most everyone.

I was walking around in life without being anyone let alone who I was. I had no clear vision of what I wanted to be or who I even thought I should be. Most people identify who they are, by what job they work. Ask someone just entering into the seduction community who they are and they will say a “Pick Up Artist.” On the other hand ask a true master of seduction in the community who they are, and they might answer “A student on the road of life.” Striking differences and who is right?

There are times when I go out and I wear my hair slicked back NYC style with lots of jell. I’ll wear my cream colored sports jacket, burgundy polo dress shirt, black slacks and $100 shoes. When it’s sunny you’ll always see me with my $300 Oakley’s on. Open collar means thousand dollar gold chain hanging round my neck. Formal: I’ll be wearing my Fosil watch for sure.

Lately I’ve been dressing a certain way to create an identity through clothes. Like I’ve said though, most people identify with their jobs when you ask them who they are. I love my job and I must, considering most weeks I work about 70 to 80 hours doing it. I work for the worlds largest pheromone producer and probably have a cooler job than most people can even dream of. But where does that lead me in identity and is it really who I am? My job does not define me as a person, it is not my core identity. By definition I cannot say I’m the rocker, or the preppy guy. What if my identity crosses the boundries of all music and cultures.

I sought out a pair of boots, the kind that are made to look distressed and they have the buckle on one side. They look like a pair of old rocker boots. I finally found a pair at the mall (rocker boots at the mall! Oxymoron?) and I decided I would next create an identity around them. I bought myself a wallet chain, some silver pinky rings with Celtic cross cutouts on them. I dyed my hair black and lately I like to wear jeans. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m out and I see someone similar in dress they nod their hello. When ever I am wearing my stylish executive level clothing I get my due respect from the other suits in the business world. Have we really become a society so dependent on identifying the person by the clothes they wear?

Funny thing though, is that most self-help books and such all tell you you have to start with being yourself. Connecting with yourself so that you can forge the bridge of emotional stability with the world. That’s where it all seems to get lost for me. You see connecting with my core identity means I can connect with just about every identity out there. I am just as comfortable wearing leather pants as I am wearing slacks from Brooks Brothers.

It makes me wonder what my core identity really is. Can I find a way by wearing clothes to identify my identity or can I walk around unidentified and by being unidentified wouldn’t that be an identity of itself? Do I really need an identity after all? Isn’t it all just marketing that tells us we need an identity so that they can better connect with us on a marketable level? Conceivable then, isn’t it possible to be invisible just be avoiding all media hype on class or would that be the rebel class and thus a marketing connection made. Do I feel like this is the Matrix?

In the seduction community there is a term called peacocking. By definition it is the guy who stands out the most by wearing outlandish clothing but being congruent with it. They are the ones who get the most attention and are looked on as brave and exciting and now most guys are doing it. So by being the guy without that identity am I the one guy who stands out in the crowd while everyone else wears glow necklaces and top hats.