The other day I was in the mall looking for some clothes to wear out that evening. I was supposed to go out dancing with a friend and needed to get something that matched something else. I stopped in a store I frequent and there was this babe all bent over, her shorts barely covering anything. Her T-shirt was just as scanty and her body was awesome. Now before you go calling me names and hating on me, please hear the rest of this out. We started talking and me being me (I’m very charismatic) I ended up getting her number. It seemed like no big deal, because she certainly did not look like a young girl. Heck, her co-workers where right there and they were all OK with her giving me her number. Now I’ll admit I don’t look like my age, but there obviously was an age difference and you would think one of those guys would have said something. They didn’t.
Elizabeth and I talked for a while about what I did and I wouldn’t tell her. It made her very curious and she really wanted to know. She kept asking me and I kept refusing. She asked me if I was a student and I said no. I asked her and she said yeah. She also said that she finally had the freedom to do what she wanted to and this job would help her pay for that. It sure seemed like she was talking about college.
After some revelry that Saturday of dancing and a few beers I headed downtown to the Saucer. I met a friend there and tried talking the manager into letting a friend back in. He is the only person I ever knew to get banned or for that matter even kicked out of the saucer. Drunken bafoon started a fight. Oh well I wasn’t going to put my neck out for him more than I did. I saw a few ladies and got a couple of numbers but I was tired so at about 1 am I called it a night.
On my drive home I get a call from Elizabeth. She’s like “Hey there, how are the shoes?” I’m like um hey. We talked for a few minutes and I knew exactly what this girl wanted. This was the 1 am booty call and she was practically begging for it. I told her she could meet me midtown, where I was, or I could come over to her place.
She was like yeah I cant wait, but if you come here don’t knock, just text me and I’ll sneak out.
HUH? Sneak out, what do you mean? I asked puzzled.
Well I still live at home she said.
OK like what for the summer until school starts? I asked.
No silly, I’m only 17 she blurted out.
OMG! I said as the BMW careened off the road and I found myself aiming the car towards the trees that lined the street. My knuckles gripping the wheel hard, until they turned white. Sweat building on my brow, my eyes glazing over and fear gripping me.
She explained that she was sure that she told me that, but it was OK she would be 18 in a few months anyway. I told her to call me in a few months and I would give her an 18th birthday present to remember, but she didn’t want to wait till December. December is not a few months away babe, and I do mean babe as in kid. Anyway the call ended with me in a blinding haze of outrage. This girl did not look like she was 17 and now a days its very difficult to tell which ones do look like they are younger than 18. I see some girls on Beale Street that look like they should be home in bed watching Barney and yet they are out drinking. I see others who are so mature looking that you just cant tell. So how do you tell.
Well Elizabeth ended up texting me about 400 times over the next day, which in my defense is a good thing. She clearly is the aggressor here and I reply each time I will see her around when she turns 18. Then the bomb is dropped when she says March is a long time away. OK you just told me it was December. This means you just turned 17. Oh God why could you be so cruel?
The moral of my blog is though what would have happened if I didn’t find out and something happened? Whose fault would that be? I know it wouldn’t be hers and I would have ended up in jail! Not fair right. Thank all things Pink and Squishy nothing did happen, but now this chick is stalking me. That’s right stalking me. She keeps begging me to hook up with her and texting me with explicit directions on what she wants to do. She is a dirty little girl.
I’m a bit perturbed how this could my fault if I did something, which I wont. I think some parents need to figure out what their daughters are doing. I think a lot of people would be outraged at what their kids are doing. I watch the news and I’ve always been disturbed to put it mildly when I see these guys who molest these girls. I mean there is a HUGE difference when a little kid gets hurt and I absolutely think they should enact death penalties. The real question though is that if I did happen to do anything how many would look at me and say JunkyFungus, you are a perv and need to be put to death.
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