I’ve been thinking about writing but I do so much of it at my job, that I sometimes just don’t have the ambition to blog anything. I’ve changed over the last year and now I do quite a few things differently then I used to. I have decided to do some serious gaming though, so that should add a bit of flair to the diary of a junky. It infects my life and sends me into bliss so that I may not escape. Ahh life is tremendously good right now for me. I am in such a good place with myself.
May 182010
How does the effects of addiction like heroin, alcohol, smoking change our brain chemistry? We learn a valuable lesson from Shiva how we are all simply human with vulnerabilities and as such will make mistakes. Understanding this allows us to comprehend what guilt is, and as such the ability to forgive ourselves and make lasting change. This powerful segment shows awakens an inner sense of just who we are and how we interact with others by allowing us to see not just the world, but the lens we see the world through.
In this segment of the Harnessing Inner Game Interview with Shiva of www.SGMS.info we discuss how your conscious and subconscious mind is at war with itself. We learn how to forgive ourselves and the impact that denial has on us. Discover the truth about your instincts as a human and how our actions, regardless of our intentions can do damage to others.
This part of the interview Shiva starts to tie together his Monkey Brain theories, ideas on the functions of guilt and how we interact socially.
This is part 1 of a very large INTENSE interview I did with Shiva of www.SGMS.info. I consider Shiva my Inner Game Guru, as a lifelong student of Life Artistry. I personally like to call my personal development Life Artistry rather than Pick Up Artist as it is a limiting tag. Life Artistry covers all of life’s lessons and as a student of the world I encourage you to never limit yourself in one direction.
In this, part 1, section we learn of Shiva’s upbringing and how he came to realize he was seeking validation, acceptance and social proof. Shiva demonstrates that ultimately seeking validation from outside sources can be damaging to ones inner game.
The world has so many sides and beliefs it has become crucial to my development to embrace all of what it has to offer. Perhaps the best explanation I can give of my view of the world would be for you, my dear friend, to read and study the Tao Te Ching. Perhaps the most brilliant take on life ever recorded.
My hope is that you can learn from this interview series and gain a better understanding of your life and the lives of those around you. Harnessing Your Inner Game is not intended to be medical advice, it is simply your average mans journey of self discovery. Please enjoy and live your life happy in the now moment.
Jun 102009
I just heard a funny thing, literally like just this minute. Someone actually thinks my David Carradine post was about anything other than what it clearly states. There are bad people and if we all work together to expose them the world would be a better place. Not sure how that associates with them or their purported gripes its about something that they think its about, but that comes from vanity.
It always amazes me when people try and decipher words rather than just read them for what they are. I will say this though, this is the JunkyFungus blog. If you don’t like it your only option is to NOT read it. Really that simple! Friends can be more dangerous than enemies…
I’m headed to paradise for a couple of weeks. No MacBook, no IPhone, no connection with the angry people of the world. Only love and light, happiness and peace. I am also glad that through open, honest communication people can make another connection.
I didn’t want to do it and for the longest time I didn’t bother, but if you read my last post you know that I am pushing towards making my first million dollars this year. Although I do believe the universal laws will fall into effect and the world will unfold before me with boundless opportunity, I also realize that I need to take the steps necessary and ensure I am heading in the right direction. My vibrational energy has been a bit low because, well because, I have been worried about not achieving my goal.
I’ve noticed some correlations in life that cannot be misconstrued as mere coincidence. I know that lately I have felt a bit alone in my quest, as if I am the only one in the world who understands me. This feeling has permeated my mood and lately my friends have suddenly been away thus causing me to be alone. There are times I feel like going out to the bar or Beale Street, but no one is around to go so I reluctantly stay in and end up being alone. Of course my girlfriend is around and I do lo, lov, er umm lo, lo, lo, err like her a real lot:), but now lately she has been going to family and friends away as well. When you feel lonely you will end up being lonely.
The next equation comes from feeling broke. I’m not sure why, perhaps its a lack of water, but lately I have felt tremendously low on the financial scale. With these feelings comes the very real reality that things are hitting hard financially right now. I feel like I am under a mountain of debt and because I am feeling this way, it is coming to be that way. Extenuating circumstances have caused my consulting fees to be delayed on several occasions, not a big deal in its own right, but all the same adding to the feeling of ill-will towards a very manageable situation.
When my mother died it left me $16000 in credit card debyt and every month I pay close to $600 to help pay it off. My ultimate goal is to pay about $2000 a month to eliminate it all together. My school loans are down to only $4000 and other than a few miscellaneous other bills there’s really not much. Heck the house is paid off, but I never imagined myself living in this house. It was bought to provide residual rental income and now I live there with me father. I have lived alone from my father since I was 17 and joined the US Army. I find it extremely difficult to live there in that house and at times I think about getting an apartment. I mean I am willing to move out of my own home to an apartment, you know its got to get under my skin, and it does!
He’s not really a bad guy, but the house is just to small. It would be OK for a couple, or single person, but not son and dad. Did I mention that his compulsive behavior to collect has me extremely worried. I tried to get my summer clothes out of our attic and it is filled top to bottom with junk. I’m not talking junk that you can turn around and sell, but junk that people toss away to Goodwill just to get rid of. In Memphis there is a Goodwill outlet store. This basically means that Goodwill cant sell it in there second hand store, so they bring it out in big giant carts filled with junk into the outlet store. It started as a hobby for dad, just so he could get out and do something, but now its bordering mental illness. He is bringing home only a few bags a week, but the problem with that is there is no outlet to get rid of it. So it packs into the attic, under the beds, in the closets, anywhere there is space and even where there is none to be found. It piles up, more and more until finally someone has to do something about it.
The last couple of years he would have a garage sale, but that’s come to pass as well. They are so much work and take so much time and effort they just are not worth it. Finally after the last time he came to the same conclusion after prepping for a full two weeks and then a full three days of hard-work and not making more than $500 after expenses. I apologize for the rant, but its my blog so tough crap! Deal with it.
I really don’t mind him living with me, but I need my space and I want a BIG house with a restaurant quality kitchen, swimming pool, jacuzzi, big old yard, deck, lots of rooms, basically a mansion. I am unable to do that at this stage unless something changes. Oh and I want a new M6 BMW with the V12, but I can’t without having a garage with plenty of space for all my toys. I like my toys.
The reason I say all this is because I am on the path and I am now monetizing my life. Read, enjoy
I’ve gotten some pretty eye raising comments from some of my fellow friends in the Pick-Up community when I tell them that JunkyFungus has quit Pick-Up and will pursue life instead. Many of my friends kind of looked at me as if I had 17 eyes. One friend threatened to slap the holy bejesus out of me, another commenter said I finally figured it out, and yet another screamed “Yes, Yes” and it wasn’t even during sex. Actually the last one was when I was on the phone with her and I think I might have gone a little bit deaf.
What amazed me most was that there were two trains of thought when I announced my intentions. One, from 99% men was of astonishment and near anger. How could I do something like this? Was something messed up in my inner game? Did I have a brain tumor I was wearing a hat to hide? The other 99% females was it’s about time! You must have figured out woman really want romance, blah, blah, blah… Yeah I’m listening to that CRAP!
First off I didn’t say I was going to roll up my cock and put it away somewhere in cold storage. I didn’t say I was going to stop fucking every chick that met my fancy, and sure as hell I aint stopping loving that wonderful Pink and Squishy, warm and wet, soft and enveloping area of a woman us men call a pussy:). I’m not sure what idiot dreamed all this up, but fuck, get your head out your ass. OK enough of the cursing for this blog. One of my goals is to stop cursing so much and start lying more.
Anyway I figured it would be understood why I was leaving PUA behind and start thinking more forward, but I was wrong. You see, to me Pick-Up is very limited in its thinking. I mean I know a bunch of Pick Up Artists that are considered masters in their fields. There are guys who I always seem to really connect with and have an understanding of them more than I do of others. I mean I like Mystery and guys like him, but I can’t say that he would be my friend if we lived close. I wouldn’t say guys like that wouldn’t either but I’m more inclined to natural guys who don’t use gimmicks and tricks to get what they want, but more like people like Alex Alman and Jae Ellis. Some of the nicest guys I have met in pick-up and normal too.
I see guys who attempt to be someone else when they do pick-up, someone fake, just to get laid and sorry my friends, getting laid is all its about. There are times for sex, and yeah I will admit, it most of the time, but to get interesting, you need to be interested. Let me repeat that, to get interesting, you need to be interested. The passionate confident male is always interested in interesting things. Its about taking in what life has to offer and appreciating it. I felt limited with this respect doing pick-up!
It started out as a life lesson when I read DYD from David D and then Mystery. I made that connection that so many of us do. Lets face it, many guys just don’t get it at all! The thing was though as my game got better and better on the outside, I noticed that more and more things on the inside started creeping and crawling until my inner game was filled with creepy crawlers eating at my brain. It almost seems like an oxymoron, but gaming women was corrupting my personal confidence. I believe I was starting to become more and more ingrained into being a pick-up artist rather than living and experiencing life to its fullest.
I have seen so many guys in this niche start to loose their identities in the hopes of becoming a ladies man, but I challenge this notion. Isn’t one of the reasons you got into pick-up was because you were deserving a relationship. Now it just seems like everything you are doing is about gaming, while your personal identity slips away. I have seen many a man, good people, completely change and become someone else. I am not anybody else, I am just JunkyFungus, but a whole lot smarter than I was a couple of years ago. Of course I plan to fuck my way through Memphis, but at the same time I plan to also seek out life.
Stop being something that you aren’t. Don’t let pick up consume your life, let life consume the pick up. Enjoy.
Jan 032009
For quite a while I considered myself a PUA and I guess I might still be. It’s something though, that as of yesterday started to bother me a bit. On the forum that I admin a member who I have a deep respect for called me a PUA and when I kind of down played it, he again called me a PUA, but the emphasis was on the artist aspect of it. So I really had to sit down and think this one through last night.
When I initially went out I was really in state, I was going to meet me a hottie and not to mention the hottie I have been working on at the Saucer. But, and it’s always the but that gets you, I completely lost my state and ended up with low-energy and actually pains in my body. My fellow friends were astonished at my low energy state and I guess it was with good reason as I am usually very passionate and exciting. I have a lot to talk about and get people interested in me, by being interested.
Today I again was soul searching, trying to figure out what went wrong. In retrospect it could be inner game issues I’ve posted about before creeping up on me again. It could be approach anxiety creeping into my game. It could be that I was just super-tired, but I think I have figured out what went wrong and in doing so have made a quantum leap in my game. You see I have never though of myself as a PUA, as I’ve always felt that was a bit creepy. I’m not out to meet women and get laid. I am out to experience life and all its magic splendor. Sometime that road will lead to getting laid, but hopefully more often than not, its the interaction itself that ignites that spark in me.
Ever since I have started doing Pick-Up I believe I have lost something. I don’t want to go out to just meet women anymore, I want to go out and meet people. I want to stop using acronyms that are meaningless to people unless they are a part of the PUA cult/religion. I hate the word sarge and lair, yet I find myself constantly referring to it. I am just not interested in being a PUA as much as I am a really cool guy who likes meeting new people. When your going out to meet people do you really get approach anxiety.
I remember very clearly how massentropy and I would go to Bealle Street and figure things out, but we would approach everybody. I don’t think there was much anxiety about it, as much as there is today. Perhaps I in pushing myself to exceed personal boundaries I am pushing myself in soliciting responses geared towards Pick-Up rather than having interesting conversations. Pushing myself for the wrong reasons.
I am a Life Artist and I live life to its fullest. I am pulling away from using weird little cult like acronyms and I’m just going to go out to have fun. No pressure Junky, just fun. Life is good and I believe I get what I want and I don’t want the pick up anymore. I want solid life interactions.
Apr 102008
I had a revelation the other day and it will make you mad. It’s not the type of blog post today that is racist, political, religious or anything else that would typically make so many normal people angry when they read it. It affects us all and I know that most of my readers are going to disagree with what I have to say. In fact it’s the beauty of the subject I speak of and it gets right down to our core identity and in doing so it tears us apart inside leaving a gaping hole exposed for everyone else to see.
When we are weakened by the simple truth then the adage that the truth never hurts must in turn be a lie, or at least in this instance. When I first thought of my epiphany the other day it made me furious. I argued the thought to myself and repeated over and over in my head looking for a way out. Hoping among hopes I was wrong and this time I really wanted to be wrong. If you know me you know I like to play devils advocate and argue every conceivable avenue even when I know it is utterly useless to do so and it goes against everything I stand for. Not today, not then, not ever have I been able to come up with such an idea that my very existence as a human has been challenged. Everything I stand for and believe in is topsy-turvy now and yet somehow I believe I am a better man for it.
We all experience rejection and as an aspiring Pick Up Artist we come to value it as a learning curve, or as we call it in the industry “calibration.” We need to calibrate our actions, words, whatever so that we may overcome the obstacle that is put forth and push the interaction forward. It’s a part of every aspect of life.
What if we were using excuses like she didn’t like me because I’m short, fat, balding, smelly as ways to compensate for the real issue that she didn’t like us because we are unlikable to her. These real issues could be race, religious, personality, things we hold as core parts of our identity. Therefore the issue is made up to cover our own insecurities with our own ego. We can overcome being fat by blaming it on the weight and therefore having an internal mechanism that compensate the inadequacy’s and learning to cope with that aspect.
In turn we might even create an issue like weight every time someone wants to just be friends because it would be easier to undertake to emotional damage and isolate those feelings and learn to repress those emotions over time, after time, after time rather than deal with something larger than say an actual character defect. So wouldn’t it be easier to say I’m fat and I can get over that because I know I’m a great guy and she should like me for who I am, putting forth the blame back onto her. While at the same time using that weight defect as a compensating flaw that with time can be emotionally blocked from ireperable damage all the while taking the actual defect, a flaw in ones personality or character, that which is emotionally more damaging to our ego. Therefore we chose the easier and less damaging path.
In actuality it becomes evident that by using a defect that we can overcome we “choose” to become that defect to compensate for the actual flaw, whatever it might be, because one is less painful than the other. If this is the case, and I do believe it to be, I might eat unhealthy because I am creating a persona that is less emotionally damaging to my ego than say a character defect that I don’t have control over like the look of my face.
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