I mentioned in my last few blog posts that I was suffering with a bad case of Approach Anxiety in any bar. I was determined to beat it and so I’ve been going out the last few nights. On Tuesday I went out to a few bars, there was really not a thing going on, but even so there were a couple of sets I could have opened. My Pick-Up friends will tell you that you don’t have to do pick-up every night, but for me its crucial that I do. To many excuses can be made to not and that was just another excuse for me. I didn’t approach and therefore I didn’t work on my inner game issue of AA.

Last night I went to the Downtown Saucer and when I got there I was determined to open a set. I was the first one there and like clockwork I found a mixed four set. There were two brunettes and two dudes. I was going to use the UFO cub machine and then turn to open them, but the machine was not working. Since they were right there it was the perfect situational opener. I had the two dudes jumping through my compliance hoops trying to get the machine to work. I made friends of them and then opened the obstacle. Easy work!

I managed to isolate the target and get her to comply by moving over to the machine. I had my arm around her, things were moving smoothly. Great right? Nope, because all of a sudden my inner-game issues came a burbling to the top like a giant gas bubble from the cesspool of my darkest recesses. Disgusting right? You damn right it is and annoying too! I could have had that girl easy. She was mine for the taking and those guys never would have known what happened. It wasn’t meant to be though as like I said, my inner game was screaming at me: “JunkyFungus, you can’t have this girl. She is a babe and you’re just fat. She’s going to laugh at you when you move in for a kiss. She’ll pull away and the whole bar will laugh. Ahahahaa I’m even laughing at you. I love you JunkyFungus, listen to me, its your inner voice speaking. There’s no getting away from me. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

Spooky right? Yeah my mind can be just as twisted as yours.

My inner game was screaming with an issue I have been trying to beat for the longest time. Strike that, I have been trying to kick the shit out of for the longest time. Every time I try and get a step ahead, I keep getting that horrible voice challenging me, calling me out on my shit, and putting me down. Many of us have antagonists in our lives, but how many of those antagonists are their own selves. It’s like self-depreciating, self-pity, self-hatred all rolled up in a nice warm bun of mental illness. But every time I try and do something about it, every time I make great progress with women, every time I join a gym, every time I go on a diet, every time I take an action to shut that nagging voice the hell up, it comes back stronger and stronger.

I can’t get away from it, or can I? I remember reading in:
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Collins Business Essentials)
that if you publicize any of your problems or goals, you are more like to achieve them. I’m hoping this works, because I’m about at wits end with this one. I’ve said it already, but in case you missed it, my inner game is screaming at me about my weight issue. Again though, I’ve joined a gym: I pay $30 a month for a two year membership thats already 7 months old and I’ve gone maybe a months worth. I’ve gone on diets, I’ve committed myself before. My second blog post: Ice At The End Of My Straw was all about this same thing. When I was in Los Angeles in January I met the most awesomist Yoga and Life Coach ever. I read her blog daily and she inspired me so much, but why still today is this commitment so elusive?

I ask, maybe as a rhetorical question, but feedback is appreciated, because maybe someone with insight can answer. Is there something wrong with me. I was on a diet once and I had lost nearly 50 lbs and was looking terrific. I was working out every day and life was looking good, and then clear, out of the blue, without reason I just stopped. No reason, except maybe personal sabotage. Do you know, because I sure as hell don’t.

I do know, in my own mind, my inner game is screaming at me. It’s telling me that no woman wants a guy who can’t take care of himself. Shit man, I got mad game! I sleep with lots of women and I’ve had some of the hottest women in Memphis in my bed. I’m an ALPHA mother fucker and I know it, but this inner game, my inner game is all fucked up and needing assistance.

This is my commitment, this is my public announcement of my goal, my Influence changing, life altering pledge to myself that I need to get this area in my life under control. I was able to accomplish what I never thought I would be able to accomplish. I am a master PUA, I am ALPHA, I am going to be famous. By God I am in control of my life.