I’ve noticed some correlations in life that cannot be misconstrued as mere coincidence. I know that lately I have felt a bit alone in my quest, as if I am the only one in the world who understands me. This feeling has permeated my mood and lately my friends have suddenly been away thus causing me to be alone. There are times I feel like going out to the bar or Beale Street, but no one is around to go so I reluctantly stay in and end up being alone. Of course my girlfriend is around and I do lo, lov, er umm lo, lo, lo, err like her a real lot:), but now lately she has been going to family and friends away as well. When you feel lonely you will end up being lonely.

The next equation comes from feeling broke. I’m not sure why, perhaps its a lack of water, but lately I have felt tremendously low on the financial scale. With these feelings comes the very real reality that things are hitting hard financially right now. I feel like I am under a mountain of debt and because I am feeling this way, it is coming to be that way. Extenuating circumstances have caused my consulting fees to be delayed on several occasions, not a big deal in its own right, but all the same adding to the feeling of ill-will towards a very manageable situation.

When my mother died it left me $16000 in credit card debyt and every month I pay close to $600 to help pay it off. My ultimate goal is to pay about $2000 a month to eliminate it all together. My school loans are down to only $4000 and other than a few miscellaneous other bills there’s really not much. Heck the house is paid off, but I never imagined myself living in this house. It was bought to provide residual rental income and now I live there with me father. I have lived alone from my father since I was 17 and joined the US Army. I find it extremely difficult to live there in that house and at times I think about getting an apartment. I mean I am willing to move out of my own home to an apartment, you know its got to get under my skin, and it does!

He’s not really a bad guy, but the house is just to small. It would be OK for a couple, or single person, but not son and dad. Did I mention that his compulsive behavior to collect has me extremely worried. I tried to get my summer clothes out of our attic and it is filled top to bottom with junk. I’m not talking junk that you can turn around and sell, but junk that people toss away to Goodwill just to get rid of. In Memphis there is a Goodwill outlet store. This basically means that Goodwill cant sell it in there second hand store, so they bring it out in big giant carts filled with junk into the outlet store. It started as a hobby for dad, just so he could get out and do something, but now its bordering mental illness. He is bringing home only a few bags a week, but the problem with that is there is no outlet to get rid of it. So it packs into the attic, under the beds, in the closets, anywhere there is space and even where there is none to be found. It piles up, more and more until finally someone has to do something about it.

The last couple of years he would have a garage sale, but that’s come to pass as well. They are so much work and take so much time and effort they just are not worth it. Finally after the last time he came to the same conclusion after prepping for a full two weeks and then a full three days of hard-work and not making more than $500 after expenses. I apologize for the rant, but its my blog so tough crap! Deal with it.

I really don’t mind him living with me, but I need my space and I want a BIG house with a restaurant quality kitchen, swimming pool, jacuzzi, big old yard, deck, lots of rooms, basically a mansion. I am unable to do that at this stage unless something changes. Oh and I want a new M6 BMW with the V12, but I can’t without having a garage with plenty of space for all my toys. I like my toys.