It always amazes me when people try and decipher words rather than just read them for what they are. I will say this though, this is the JunkyFungus blog. If you don’t like it your only option is to NOT read it. Really that simple! Friends can be more dangerous than enemies…

Jules: I’ll just walk the earth.
Vincent: What’cha mean walk the earth?
Jules: You know, walk the earth, meet people… get into adventures. Like Caine from “Kung Fu.”

We all seek this, and for many different reasons, however I believe most of us seek peace from that which haunts us. The proverbial skeleton in the closet. I do know that all of us have these skeletons and they take shape in our appearance, how we speak to one another, the way we treat others and even how we go about to hurt each other. It’s unfortunate that there are people, sad people, who go about life with misery on their shoulders looking to gather those around them who are miserable, but they don’t stop there. Misery does love company and sometimes its about making others miserable around you so they can always keep in company.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I will bend over backwards to help a person out. I am good natured, always smiling and as the saying goes “Happy Go Lucky.” I believe and practice the Universal Law of Attraction, except maybe I call it God, the Omnipotent all loving force that gives onto those whatever they desire. I desire love and happiness in life!

Then we have those who strive to look for the conspiracy, who look for the bad, who seek out the injustice, the ill, the poor, meager and weak, but not so they can alter their surroundings and make it right, no these are the ones who dwell on the bad. They are the ones who feed off of badness and evil, the ones who call each other names and wish ill will towards others. The irrational, the degenerates of the world who hide behind pretty looking lies that are encrusted with jagged broken glass dripping with the filth of their pitifulness. They are wicked in their intentions and look to bring others into their rotten existence.

These are the ones who strive to bring those who achieve greatness down. They are the ones who take up positions of imaginary authority to bring others down. I know very many who serve in the military for noble reasons, I know police officers who serve to protect, civil servants who go about helping and living a life of poverty to help others elevate theirs. Then we have those who take these same positions to punish the weak, enslave the poor, to bring misery company. Their Misery! I do not concede to allow you to destroy others and I vow with all my heart and soul that I will shine my light, the light of truth and justice in your oh so dark corner. Your decrepit shallow hole in the world, illuminating you for what you are, so that all may see you and know that your evil shall not prevail. I will walk the Earth and promise that happiness and truth are my mission statement. Conform to the will and the light of justice or wither and die your pitiful selfs.

They spread their lies and hatred as if it were truth. They manipulate and deceive with words believing they have impunity and for too long to many of us have not brought them to justice. The crusade, my crusade, our crusade begins. You will be exposed and I do believe you will slither on your belly away.

I’ll find myself with renewed energy and stamina and ready to change everything bad in life. What’s very abnormal though is when I attempt to use that driving force energy to excel in another area of my life that same energy dwindles and fades as if there is a limited supply. This leads me to believe that will power is a limited source of energy and/or there is an energy blockage. I’m inquisitive if any one of my dear readers experience this same conundrum.

Seriously though it happens every time. I remember right after I quit shooting up heroin into my eyeball (try it, what a great way to hide track marks) I decided it was also a good time to take up teeth brushing. I was off the juice for at least three hours and really had the urge to pick up the tooth brush, but as soon as I did it was like BAM, all of a sudden the next thing you know I have the needle in my eye and shooting a mega-dose of the juice again. The teeth were nice and sparkly clean right before they all fell out!

All joking aside though, no heroin or meth or crack, but it does seem that there are limits to drawing power from will. Does that mean we are all weak in this area or is it just me? I’ve been doing really well with nutrition, taking vitamins and juicing and eating green foods, but whenever I want to do something like going to the gym its a no go. I want to go in the morning but who wants to stay up late like I do and then get up early? I hate early mornings, I mean like hatred with a passion. I plan on going at night and I know full-well that exercise will have to be a part of this lifestyle if I want to succeed. By night time, and I mean about 11, I get tired and something comes up and then I never go. I realize I have to and beat myself up over it, but I still don’t go.

Maybe I’m a bit hesitant to go because I realize, from past experiences, that if I do go to the gym, than my nutritious lifestyle will go to hell. I have a friend, Andrea Albright, who is amazing. You can find her at www.AmazingBodyNow.com for all you female readers and she offers a true unique experience for women to get fit. She’s been there, she was overweight and now she is gorgeous and fit and trim. To bad for me her site is geared towards helping women otherwise I’d be on that. It really is that good and as a guy if you can get over her continuous references to girlfriend and lady and woman then go for it. I’ve read every book there is practically on diet and exercise, most recently the Gabriel Method, which seems intriguing, without having that success switch triggered.

I’ve noticed some correlations in life that cannot be misconstrued as mere coincidence. I know that lately I have felt a bit alone in my quest, as if I am the only one in the world who understands me. This feeling has permeated my mood and lately my friends have suddenly been away thus causing me to be alone. There are times I feel like going out to the bar or Beale Street, but no one is around to go so I reluctantly stay in and end up being alone. Of course my girlfriend is around and I do lo, lov, er umm lo, lo, lo, err like her a real lot:), but now lately she has been going to family and friends away as well. When you feel lonely you will end up being lonely.

The next equation comes from feeling broke. I’m not sure why, perhaps its a lack of water, but lately I have felt tremendously low on the financial scale. With these feelings comes the very real reality that things are hitting hard financially right now. I feel like I am under a mountain of debt and because I am feeling this way, it is coming to be that way. Extenuating circumstances have caused my consulting fees to be delayed on several occasions, not a big deal in its own right, but all the same adding to the feeling of ill-will towards a very manageable situation.

When my mother died it left me $16000 in credit card debyt and every month I pay close to $600 to help pay it off. My ultimate goal is to pay about $2000 a month to eliminate it all together. My school loans are down to only $4000 and other than a few miscellaneous other bills there’s really not much. Heck the house is paid off, but I never imagined myself living in this house. It was bought to provide residual rental income and now I live there with me father. I have lived alone from my father since I was 17 and joined the US Army. I find it extremely difficult to live there in that house and at times I think about getting an apartment. I mean I am willing to move out of my own home to an apartment, you know its got to get under my skin, and it does!

He’s not really a bad guy, but the house is just to small. It would be OK for a couple, or single person, but not son and dad. Did I mention that his compulsive behavior to collect has me extremely worried. I tried to get my summer clothes out of our attic and it is filled top to bottom with junk. I’m not talking junk that you can turn around and sell, but junk that people toss away to Goodwill just to get rid of. In Memphis there is a Goodwill outlet store. This basically means that Goodwill cant sell it in there second hand store, so they bring it out in big giant carts filled with junk into the outlet store. It started as a hobby for dad, just so he could get out and do something, but now its bordering mental illness. He is bringing home only a few bags a week, but the problem with that is there is no outlet to get rid of it. So it packs into the attic, under the beds, in the closets, anywhere there is space and even where there is none to be found. It piles up, more and more until finally someone has to do something about it.

The last couple of years he would have a garage sale, but that’s come to pass as well. They are so much work and take so much time and effort they just are not worth it. Finally after the last time he came to the same conclusion after prepping for a full two weeks and then a full three days of hard-work and not making more than $500 after expenses. I apologize for the rant, but its my blog so tough crap! Deal with it.

I really don’t mind him living with me, but I need my space and I want a BIG house with a restaurant quality kitchen, swimming pool, jacuzzi, big old yard, deck, lots of rooms, basically a mansion. I am unable to do that at this stage unless something changes. Oh and I want a new M6 BMW with the V12, but I can’t without having a garage with plenty of space for all my toys. I like my toys.

I know the direction I must go, and I am on the path, but the question now comes up with other things. Am I in the right forest? Sure I am heading in the right direction but this compels me to ask myself where else I need to make the changes that will ultimately lead me in the direction of my goal.

In the beginning of this year I set a goal that I would make my first million dollars and somehow I seem ever distant from achieving that goal. I know the universe is supposed to unfold before me and my job is not to limit the universe presenting that goal to me, but I also know that I am supposed to focus on achieving that goal. This is where currently I am struggling. How is it I am supposed to be focused on that goal driving myself ever closer when things around me get tougher and tougher.

With my health I know how to achieve it. I can control the foods I eat, the exercise I do, the lifestyle I choose, but with finances it seems so much more impossible, especially when things are not where they need to be. The economy sucks and it is directly affecting my lifestyle. With everything that’s happening I have to ask myself if staying the course is going to pull me away or help me achieve that success I desire.